Prong: Oi! Nobody told me about this reunion! I'm gonna sue, the name Tricycle Spoons belongs to me! (15:08, Tue 18-May-2004)
Andy Kershaw: Thanks for that. I usually speak first.

There's been a lot of noise recently about the Tricycle Spoons' comeback tour, "Unplugged". Trying to get a handle on this earthily ephemeral phenomenon, we have the surviving members of the band in the studio including, as we;ve already heard, Prong. Before we get back to the band, here's another of the their tunes, a haunting little number. Listen particularly for the stand out kilt solo...

Double or Quits

(Distant bluesy harmonica meshes with Hawaiian ukulele)

Ain't got no wife, ain't got no kids
It's the end of the line, I'm on the skids
No job, no pay
Think I've lost my mind and
I know I've lost my way
Don't reckon these songs are gonna be
Number one hits. (19:44, Wed 19-May-2004)
Blind Lemon Stevie:
Hit'n the booze and hit'n the road,
Free but poor jus' like the Joads,
No clothes that fit
Would go West young man but
These boots is worn to allgitout
Wastin' my life jus' searchin' for them
Number one hits
(21:25, Wed 19-May-2004)
Darren: Losin' my dog and losin' my mind,
Livin' off things I happen to find,
No stuff, no cash
All my burnin' bridges
Are just a pile of ash
No way this pile of ash will ever make
Number one hits. (23:09, Wed 19-May-2004)
matt: (Ear-bleeding power chords and furious percussion)

Number one hits!
Number one hits!
Do the splits and pick nits and, yeah!
Pound those drum kits!

Number one hits!
Number one hits!

(Reverb into 2 bars silence)

Let's go double or quits!

(23:23, Wed 19-May-2004)
Jon Anderson: Loser of hate climb ladder above
To touch the circle of radiant love
No push to pull
We achieve the question
High the roundabout, full
Sumblime the Hits! (14:28, Thu 20-May-2004)
Blind Lemon Stevie: Itch on mah head drives me to the brink, Scratchin' all day, Take refuge in drink, Th' scales, the rash, Booze no relief so Ah go an' dig out mah stash, S'no use, gotta get medical help fo deez Number one nits! (14:09, Mon 24-May-2004)
Blind Lemon Stevie: (Sounds of breath being noisily drawn, then expelled in a series of liquid, rattly coughs) (14:10, Mon 24-May-2004)
matt: Number one hits!
Number one hits!
Life's the pits, I've had fits and then
Razored wrist-slits.

Number one... (trails off)

(Remainder is not sung, but consists of a rambling mish-mash of shouts and stage-whispering over an extended bagpipe wail)

Bombed in the Blitz!
Gassed at Auschwitz!
Take that, Fritz!
At the Ritz. Squeezing zits.
Drinking Schlitz! Eating grits!
Page 3 tits. Naughty bits.
Wait till I get my mitts
On you, yer gits!

Stairlift To Heaven

Where's my lady? I'm sure she'll just walk out that door
When I order my stairlift to heaven
And when I succumb to the ache in my bum
With a word she can clear out my savings. (16:06, Wed 26-May-2004)
[Griblick: Notice how we keep going back to the stairlift thing? It's like a, whattayacallit, light motive...
Prong: Shut up, Neville! I'm tryin' to hear meself play.] (23:15, Wed 26-May-2004)
matt: Oooh, and I've made a blunder!

Now she's left me adrift, and I'm riding that lift
What's the point of these journeys I'm taking?
Up and down, to and fro, there's nowhere I can go
To escape from a heart that is breaking (10:41, Tue 01-Jun-2004)
B.L. Stevie: If there's a rumblin' in yo' midriff, ridin' th' stairlift
It's jus' the needle-roller bearings.
Yes there are two parts you must oil now, or in the long-run
You'll find you stuck half up an' swearin'
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh an' it makes you wonder
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh are y' gonna chunder?
(17:26, Tue 01-Jun-2004)
D.L. Stevie: Your chair is smokin and it won't go
In case you don't know
The motor windings are on fire
Dear God! You'd better leap to safety
Right through the window
Before your arse becomes a pyre!
Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh and it makes you wonder
OooooooooooooooooooooooooooOW!!! Was this chair a blunder? (15:37, Wed 02-Jun-2004)
matt: [Revved-up instrumental break]

And as you tumble down the stair!
Your fingers grabbing empty air!
There walks a man who isn't there!
He sees you fall and doesn't care! (22:27, Wed 02-Jun-2004)
B.L. Stevie: And if you listen really hard
You'll find your ears are packed with lard
That damn woman's a retard!
She plays these jokes; She's such a card!
While you're asleep she's creeping round
Robbing your brain of needed sound
By sneaky shoving of a pound
Of lard in each ear I'll be bound!
(16:58, Tue 08-Jun-2004)
DL Stevie: And I'm Buuuuuuuuyin' a staaaaaaaiiiiirlift to heeeeeaaaaven!

Well, it looks like we've just got time for one more tune. Rather than trot out the current single I'm going to ask the band to pick their favourite track from the album. Neville? (12:09, Fri 11-Jun-2004)
Prong: Why is it always bloody Neville? Neville this, Neville that. I <beeeep>ing hate <beeeep>ing Neville! <beeeep>! (12:14, Fri 11-Jun-2004)
Neville Griblick: Why do you think we didn't tell you about the reunion? (12:15, Fri 11-Jun-2004)
Blind Lemon Stevie: (Tweet) (15:10, Fri 11-Jun-2004)
Dozy Polywhacker: [Sounds of a punch-up in the background] Er, well I'm a bit partial to the title track, meself... (17:14, Fri 11-Jun-2004)
Andy Kershaw: [Desperate to get this shambles over with] "Unplugged" it is, then!

Stuck on the late late show
Had too many lines and
Got nowhere to go
There's a spoon in my head and it's, oh, so... (00:43, Mon 14-Jun-2004)
Annie Lennox: [Whispered] Tarnished (14:42, Mon 14-Jun-2004)
matt: Stuck on the morning train
Drunk too many lattes and
It's all in vain
There's a trike in my head and it's sayin', sayin'... (22:25, Sat 19-Jun-2004)
Annie Lennox: [Whispered] Riiiiide me (15:14, Wed 23-Jun-2004)
matt: Sample, very faint from The Last Ride: We ride! We ride!

Time, old friends, to face the facts
Join the other has-been acts
Playing to an empty house
Down at the end of the pier.

Done our time and paid our dues
Rocked and rolled and sung the blues
That was then and this is now
Ain't no way back from here.

Washed up, broken, drunk and drugged
Life support un--(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)

B.L. Stevie, D.L. Stevie & sundry guest artistes: [Matt] The collaborative song format doesn't seem to be firing the imaginations of people right now. Shame. When this one moves it is one of the best on the server from where we're sitting. Fire it up again and we'll be there (no matter how hard you beg). It was good while it lasted. (22:37, Mon 28-Jun-2004)
matt: [Stevie] Indeed so. Doubtless the Spoons will drag themselves out of rehab one day, but for now let's leave them to marinate in their own filth creative juices. Rumour has it that Griblick needs to spend a year dead, anyway, for tax reasons. (16:28, Tue 29-Jun-2004)
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